WATCHING BLUE VELVET FOR THE FIRST TIME WE CAN’T HELP BUT THINK DAVID LYNCH YOU CRAZY BASTARD YOU
and then there’s all those scenes with dennis hopper
where he sucks up an unspecified drug through
a freaking gas mask
turning into a completely different person right before our eyes.
but then even more messed up thing about these drug-fueled scenes is that
david lynch wanted hopper to inhale legit helium (!!!)
like how bonkers is that --
to have this deranged dude with a squeaky high voice
going around on screen saying
i can do without that.
even more than when you suggested we should get a joint bank account after being married for only six months
and i panicked and said maybe we should wait it out a bit.
man, you were so pissed. maybe rightfully so? idk.
THIS MIGHT SOUND FUNNY TO YOU BUT MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER’S NEWFOUND FUNKO POP OBSESSION IS RUINING OUR LOVE LIFE
and when i wake up at night
desperate for a glass of water
the cast of the avengers surround me
peering down from their designated funko shelf
thor’s beady black eyes
staring straight into my soul
as if he’s provoking me
so much for cutting her off from this stupid habit eh
pretty soon your apartment will be covered in us
and you’ll be outnumbered 12k to 1, you poor bastard.
i put up with this because i love you
and this too shall pass
this dumb hobby of yours
but hopefully not before valentine’s day since i already bought you the limited edition
imported all the way from albany’s target.
basically, i’m a man of no principles
easily taken advantage of, i guess.
ANYWAY THE DENTIST TOLD ME THAT IT’S A GOOD THING I HAVE A BEARD BECAUSE IT’S HIDING MY MEAN JAY LENO CHIN
but the worst part is that
the dude laughed at his own joke
like he was just waiting for a schmuck like me to walk in so
he could hit me with a good ole fashion
belly chuckle knee slapper.
i’m not offended or anything
all things considered
having a jay leno chin isn’t that bad.
at least he didn’t tell me that our love expired
many moons ago
when the tides harmoniously collapsed in on each other:
mother nature‘s way of saying
you’ve wasted the prime years of your life dating a loser like me
17 March, 2021